I’ll never work for a calendar factory ever again.” “What do buffaloes say when their sons leave for college? Bysons! 34. “If you ever think you’re completely useless, worry not. She used to like to dress up like herself, and act like a drama queen all the time.” “My ex-girlfriend had this really weird fetish. That’s why they banned him for life at the Zoo.” 31. “Do you know the difference between apathy and ignorance? I don’t know and neither do I care.” “If we ever find ourselves on a sinking ship with only one lifejacket, I would tell everyone how much I miss you and how much I liked you.” 29. “Atheism can be classified as a non-prophet organization.” “The early bird gets the worm and the second mouse gets the cheese.” 26. “If you don’t like your beard at first, let it grow on you.” “Whoever believes in telepathy, raise my hand.” 24. #Funny thoughts how to“I wouldn’t know how to feel if someone stole my mood ring.” “It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” “Average things are produced in the satisfactory.” “At first we were misfortunate but then we also had bad luck.” The problem is no one runs in your family. “The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. “A scientist will never trust atoms because they make up everything.” “Today I complained that my wife draws her eyebrows unnaturally high. “I enjoy holding hands when taking a walk. I stopped seeing him because we never liked him anyways.” “My psychiatrist told me that I have schizophrenia. “‘I need some space for myself,’ says the claustrophobic astronaut before going on a spacewalk.” Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” “Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. “Patent: Well Doctor, everywhere I touch myself, it hurts.ĭoctor: Have you checked if your finger is broken?” That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.” “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. “Why does a Scrabble player throw letters onto the road? He tries to find out what the word is on the streets.” Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Can you believe that? I told her to get out of my fortress immediately.” “My wife told me that I‘m childish and immature. “I don’t know much about Switzerland but its flag is a big plus.” Why would she write such a nasty thing in her diary?” “You wouldn’t believe how shocked people are when they find out that I’m not an electrician.” To save you from all of this tiring work, we scoured the World Wide Web for hours to create the definite collection of funny sayings.Įnjoy reading! Here are some of the best funny sayings of all time 1. 86 Funny Sayings and Quotes to Make You Laughĭigging up some of the funniest jokes on the Internet is not easy. It will help you to always come up with something witty to say even in the most unusual situations. That’s where the following list comes in. While some of them are hilarious and ingenious, others are just childish or plain old. But not all funny sayings and jokes are the same.
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